Every year before camp, I imagine the amazing things I will experience: Taking notes from the speakers, worshiping alongside the band, growing deeper with friends, having one-on-ones with church leaders. But in eight times at Hume, I’ve never anticipated the work God will do.
But this year, God broke down walls I didn’t even realize I’d built.
My second year at Hume, God called me into ministry. I embraced it and chose a college with that in mind. I thought my plan was solid, but I wasn’t admitting something to myself.
My life was different than most, and that had a bigger effect subconsciously than I anticipated. I was born blind, but my vision returned in the course of ten surgeries before age six. It was pretty stable after that.
Suddenly, as a sophomore, though, my vision crashed. I couldn’t read or write without intense pain and blurriness. I had two more surgeries, learned Braille, started using a white cane, and was assigned an aide in classes. It was a challenge, but I still trusted God. I wasn’t going to let this stop me, so I continued doing everything, only with accommodations.
I never felt unworthy of God or His love, but this year at Hume, I realized deep down I felt unworthy of my calling to lead, because I couldn’t do simple things, like walk down a hill, without help. Additionally, as a senior who served on leadership teams at church, many of the younger girls looked to me for direction, which I loved but never expected. The second day I broke down to one of my leaders, because I didn’t feel qualified to lead those girls based on the limitations of my vision.
Suddenly, God broke in; he reminded me of the story of Moses being called to ministry and doubting it because of his speech impediment. I grabbed my Bible and looked up the verse. Sure enough, Moses debated his calling from God because of a disability, but God kept pursuing Him.
If God wanted Moses to be one of the most remembered Christian leaders ever, surely thousands of years later, God would want me to listen to my calling. I realized God didn’t want Moses despite his disability, He wanted him because of it. Moses’ trials and doubt weren’t on God’s “con” list for Moses leading His people, they were on His list of “pros”. And God wanted me because of the trials I’d gone through–not because He had to take them if He wanted me, but because they were part of His work in me.
Days later, in chapel, we heard how David was chosen by God when he didn’t seem worthy to others. I realized this, too, was not on God’s “con” list in choosing another important person, but God intended it as part of His bigger story.
After this week at Hume, I’m starting college with a major in Christian Ministries. I now understand that–as God said so clearly to me through His Word and His work at Hume Lake–He doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.